the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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