He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
