FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
