dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
