The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up under a house in Key West
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
