peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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