Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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