He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
