Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
