so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
