You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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