I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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