I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
