One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
