apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
