Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
