oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
