Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
