totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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