I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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