We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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