I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
