3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
