So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
