Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
birth control should be required to get into college
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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