And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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