Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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