I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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