and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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