i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
