just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
