I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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