She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
