omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
