Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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