party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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