Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
