I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
