i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
