so that wasnt chicken after all
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
