Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
