dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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