Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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