You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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