By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
