Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
