My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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