I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
