I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
