It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we're making bets on your personal life
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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