i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
