break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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