grandma shit on top of the toilet
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
