I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
id be glad to
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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