id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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