In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
