She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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