My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
