I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
